Hello Angel, how are you? long time no chat…

I’ve been busy running project over project, my mind can’t stop thinking to write but I just can’t find time to write. Until now, I have lot of time but I can’t write anymore, too long for not writing I suddenly have nothing to write…

can I talk nonsense then?

Yes, of course you can, Sony. Sometimes it can help to unblock your creativity.

ah, you still here Angel, so long since the last time I chat with you, I thought you’re no longer here.

I was here, I’m here, and I’ll always be here, Sony. I speak to you everyday but you just can’t hear me. Because you’re to busy of doing what you’re doing. 

Angel…I don’t know how to say..I’m sorry and I’m confuse and start to lose faith on my own belief..am I taking the correct path?

Sony, You’re what you believe. If you think you’re wrong than you’re wrong, if you think you’re right than you’re right.

But Angel, how do I know that I’m not stubbornly believing something that is wrong? What if my belief is wrong? 

Sony, it is easy then. If there is any value in your belief that’s worth to fight for then is definitely you’re on the right path. 

Ah..Value? what kind of value Angel?

Justice, Freedom, Improvement, anything Sony…anything as long as it does bring some benefit to others and yourself.

Thank you Angel…for your guidance

Bandung was a beautiful city. She is surrounded by mountains, nearby her there are lot of tea plantation. The cooling air and water she have, can soothe one’s body and soul.

Sitting at the balcony the boy stare at the distant mountain, his eyes look into the emptiness, into the void, his mind and soul start to fly to the other world. a world in his past, he remembered how heartless he was, there was a period where his grandpa had to take some medication and treatment to cure his half paralyzed body.

the boy remembered, he was serving his grandpa but his soul was not there. he was complaining about all the work that he had to do. carrying his grandpa from room to room, from bed to toilet and so on and so forth.

Then he went back further to the time when he was a child, he remembered how nice and playful his grandpa was, he always bought candy for the boy. he often took the boy to his favorite garden and sometime brought him to see a movie.

Tears start to drop, the boy regreted how bad he was, but there was nothing can be done, his grandpa has crossed over few years ago. in fact the boy did try to fix his mistakes since then.

The boy did pray every night since his grandpa passed away so his grandpa’s soul can rest in peace. The boy did ask God to give his grandpa a place in heaven, if his grandpa did sinful thing, he would like to take the responsibility of his grandpa’s sin and carried on his own shoulder in this life. nevertheless the guilty feeling remain in his heart.

he did not know that no one can run away from his/her responsibility. if one make mistake one have to bear the consequence, that is the law of universe. 

a bark from his dog, woke him up from his day dreaming. he looked at the time, the sun is going to set but tons of works still need to be done.

I’m not going to give up, I’ve made a promise.

but his weak body prevented him to carry on any work, he needed to take a break, he was overloaded phsycally and mentally thus the stress become unbearable and the result was his continuing illness. every when and then he has a feeling to vomit. like a women expecting a baby.

his friends did not understand, why he was so stubborn to stick on his job, neither the boy. The boy only knew that he had run thru a lot of hell, rejections and being cheated, moving aimlessly for years just to find a place where he belong.

he did not sure whether he was doing the right thing, whether he was in the right place. the only thing he sure was, his mind stop wandering since the day he took that job. and that was good enough for him to carry on his life.

But thing does change, due to his illness, he was forced to take a break, by then his mind started to question about his own life.

is this the life that I’m looking for? why I’m always feel something is missing in my life? what am I supposed to do? am I the only one that always asking this question? I must be crazy!

he took a book from his rack, whenever he is feeling ill or down, he’d like to read, especially books that can ease his trouble mind and release his stress.

For every obstacle you encounter in this life, there lies the lesson to be learnt, you can’t run away from that, there is no place in this earth where you can hide from it. the more you try to escape, the more will you encounter similar challenge in the future. as the lesson must be learnt.   

the message was clear, he needed to find a way to balance his life, to complete his task and move on his life. 

yeah…I must go on, although is hard, I must go on.

The boy closed his eyes, tried to ease his mind and soul, take a depth breath, inhale and exhale slowly. inhale…………. exhale…………. as instructed in one of his books.

again, he travelled to another time, This time he saw himself as a heartless guy who initiated the break up with his girl friend. He saw himself cried helplessly. the pain was unbearable. He knew that his relationship was over, both the boy and his lover need to take different path of life.

He saw his lover cried desperately infront of him, asking why? but only answered by drop of tears, disturbed by the vision he saw, he opened his eyes.

years have passed, but all this past memory keep haunting me where ever I go, I must get rid of all this past memory. keeping it will not do any good for myself neither to others.

The boy knew from one of his reading that one can only live to the fullest, when one live accord with the nature of oneself. which allow one to express oneself freely.

Life is too short to be somebody else

listen up

have faith

and keep moving

GOD

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change

The courage to change the things I can

and

Bless me with thy wisdom to know the difference

Learn from the past without regret

Plan for the future without anxiety

Live in the present in full consciousness

Life workbook, Anand Krishna, Gramedia. Pg 72-73.